Thursday, July 31, 2008

Today, on The Adventures of a Bad Baby...

Mom needed to get a package ready for the post office. She stepped into her office for about 5 minutes to box it up and suddenly stopped short when she realized that it had been dead quiet for several minutes.

"Go see what The Baby is doing!" she exclaimed to The Boy.

The Boy returned within seconds saying, "Mom, you need to come see this."

That's never good. Mom goes immediately and finds The Baby sitting on the kitchen counter, naked as always, dumping every spice bottle he can find into a pile. Cinnamon, Cloves, Chives, Greek Seasoning, you name it. It was all there.

Mom manages to clean that up, have a quick cry still wondering why God teases her in this way, then goes to the post office. Upon her return, The Baby tells her that he wants to play in the car through his normal grunts and points.

She agrees, rolls the windows down, takes the keys, then goes to sit on the porch swing and clip her fingernails because Lord knows there's never time for a real manicure. The car is in full view as she frantically clips away. About 4.2 minutes later she goes to get The Baby out and sees that he's covered in black... something. She looks around and realizes that he's found her makeup bag under the seat and has decorated her new car with mascara.

What will our mischevious monkey do tomorrow? Tune in to find out....

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I'm about to ...

rename this blog. Something like "The Adventures of a Bad Baby" sounds appropriate. Ugh.

Yesterday I was baking a cake and had to step out of the kitchen for a minute. He pushed a chair over to the counter and dropped a dozen eggs on the floor. One by one.

Later in the day I found him sitting on the kitchen counter with a sharp knife. And an open bottle of children's Tylenol. (childproof lids mean nothing to him.)

Today I found him on top of the stove. Naked. Playing with antique apothecary jars. And a bread knife. And he'd peed on the stove. That's gonna be fun when I have to turn the stove on again. Thankfully he didn't turn it on and burn himself.

It's not like this child is neglected or unwatched. He's just so busy constantly that I cannot keep up.

God seriously thinks this is funny, I think.

Monday, July 28, 2008


may have been onto something because I think this boy is part monkey.

He climbs our doorways all the time. We have 10 foot ceilings and he can touch.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

I have a confession to make.

The Baby is bad. Really bad. I try to pretend like he's not, but he really is. Nearly all the time. And it wears me out.

Hey, I'm just keepin' it real, people. I get a lot of comments and emails about how my life looks perfect many times and it's not.

Today he flooded the upstairs toilet. It was so much water it ran down the stairs, down through the first floor, and all the way into the basement. Yeah. Bad.

Then as I was frantically cleaning that he dumped a can of lemonade on the floor in the dining room. Sticky mess. Bad.

As I was mopping up the sticky mess he stripped off all his clothes, including his diaper, then went and pooped on the front porch. Bad.

The child is just bad.

I had a good cry (bawling, snotty, the works), telling God that I really can't do this. I think He thinks differently though.

Then I made a big iced coffee and went out and bought the new Mary EngelBreit Home Companion magazine. Ahhhh, peace finally.

My life is not perfect people. That Baby is bad.